Westminster days, circa 2008 (L-R: Emily Helber, Me, Sarah Morris-Powell, Kody Nilsson). Sarah finished @ Occidental, I graduated early (’07), but these friendships formed the heart of my ‘Personal Board.’ We were ambitious (all Sterling Scholars!) but always supportive, never competitive. Proof connections matter! (📸: Kate Alleman, Emily’s Mom. Thank you for the memories!)
Hi everyone,
We’ve all heard the saying: “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” It’s a neat, motivational soundbite. But reality, as research like the Framingham Heart Study suggests, is far more complex. Our influences aren’t confined to a tight inner circle; they ripple through our wider networks in profound ways.
While the science shows influence is broad, the core idea—that the people around us matter—is undeniably true. I learned this lesson in the most visceral way possible during a period that demanded I fundamentally change my life. It taught me the critical importance of being incredibly thoughtful about who you give a seat on your “Personal Board of Directors.“
Several years ago, I made the difficult decision to leave a relationship that had become controlling and, at times, physically unsafe. It was a terrifying prospect, involving untangling finances, finding a new path, and facing an uncertain future. Frankly, I couldn’t have navigated it alone.
During that tumultuous time, my “Board of Directors”—that chosen group whose wisdom, support, and loyalty I relied upon—became my absolute lifeline.
My brothers and sisters provided the unwavering foundation I desperately needed. My closest friends—Kody Nilsson, Emily Helber, Sarah Morris-Powell, and Scott Fayer—were constants, offering everything from practical advice and a shoulder to cry on to simply being present during the darkest moments.
The support extended beyond my immediate circle in ways that still humble me. Our friend Emily Gordon, a realtor who was actually working on helping my former husband and me find a home at the time, recognized the situation’s gravity. Against her own clear financial interest, she subtly helped guide things in a direction that supported my need to leave, rather than locking me further into the situation. That act of selfless integrity is something I’ll never forget.
Other dear friends like Lauren Khouri, Tyjuan Fuller, and Brooke Jordan were aware of the difficulties and my intention to leave. Despite being friends with both of us, they held my confidence implicitly, offering quiet support and maintaining discretion while still being present for both of us individually after the separation. Their loyalty wasn’t about taking sides; it was about integrity and genuine care.
Past colleagues, mentors I hadn’t spoken to in ages, people across my professional and personal networks—they showed up. They offered references, connections, listening ears, and reminders of my own strength when I struggled to see it myself. This web of support, far larger than just five people, demonstrated the true power of a well-tended network built on mutual respect and trust.
In our professional lives, we talk about mentors, sponsors, and building our network. But the principle is identical. Who are the colleagues who challenge you constructively? The leaders who model the integrity you admire? The peers who offer honest feedback, even when it’s difficult? The mentors who invest in your growth? These individuals form your professional “Board,” shaping your career, your skills, and your character.
Especially if you’re earlier in your career, be intentional about cultivating these connections. Seek out people who align with your values, who inspire you to be better, and who genuinely champion your success—not just when it’s easy, but when it’s hard. And importantly, strive to be that person for others.
Take a moment this week: Who sits on your Personal Board of Directors, both personally and professionally? Are they the right people to guide you, challenge you, and support you? Are their voices ones you trust and value?
Choosing your “Board” is one of the most critical ongoing decisions you’ll make. It impacts your resilience, your growth, and your overall well-being far more than we often realize.
Choose wisely.
See you next month, Seth
