Hey everyone,
Early in my management career at PenFed Credit Union, I signed up for a Fred Pryor training called “Dealing with Difficult People”. I was putting out fires constantly and thought it might help me handle the “craziness”.
The training started with a statement from the presenter that completely changed my perspective. He said, “This training shouldn’t be called ‘Dealing with Difficult People.’ It should be called ‘Dealing with People'”.
His point was that everyone has their own quirks and nuances. The real challenge isn’t managing “difficult” people; it’s understanding that all people are different.
The Golden Rule is Flawed
Most of us are raised on the Golden Rule: “Treat other people as you would like to be treated”. It’s a nice sentiment, but it’s based on a flawed assumption: that everyone wants what you want.
That only gets you so far.
As a manager, I quickly learned this. If I had a team of 10 people, I had 10 different management styles. Why? Because to be effective, you have to meet people where they are. Different people are motivated by different things, and it’s your job as a leader—and as a marketer—to figure out what they care about, what inspires them, and how they want to be engaged.
This brings me to the core lesson from that training: The Platinum Rule.
The Platinum Rule: Treat people how THEY want to be treated.
This simple shift from “you” to “they” is a game-changer. When you start practicing the Platinum Rule in your personal and professional life, you’ll see a massive difference in your effectiveness and impact.
Putting the Platinum Rule into Practice with Modern Tools
The good news is, we now have more tools than ever to help us practice the Platinum Rule. There’s no excuse not to.
Professionally, I’ve been leveraging a tool called Crystal since 2020. It analyzes public data, like a LinkedIn profile, to predict someone’s personality and communication style. I’ve used it to prepare for interviews, tailor my outreach, and better understand how to communicate with colleages and clients.
For example, my natural “Harmonizer” communication style is detailed and a bit flowery. But I have several clients with a “Captain” personality who prefer more concise, direct communication. They don’t want a long reply; they have confidence in me and just want a one-sentence confirmation: “Understood, it’s done”.
I now feed insights from Crystal into my own custom AI-powered playbooks. These help me tailor everything from proposals to simple Slack messages, reminding me to communicate with my clients the way they prefer, not the way I prefer. It helps me follow the Platinum Rule, even when my own instincts want to take over.
You Don’t Need Fancy Tech to Get Started
While tools like Crystal are powerful, not everyone may be in a position to make the financial investment in a tool like this for themselves, let alone their entire team. You don’t need a big budget to start applying the Platinum Rule. There are creative, low-tech ways to gather these data points:
- Have Fun with It: You can use fun proxies for personality types. Think about asking your team which Harry Potter house they belong to or which Mean Girls character they are. These lighthearted exercises can reveal a lot about how people see themselves.
- Just Ask: Create simple surveys for your team about how they prefer to be recognized or receive feedback. There are also a many free personality tests online like 16 Personalities, Enneagram, etc. For customers, you can use first-party data quizzes to learn about their preferences and interests.
- Listen: Pay attention to what your colleagues and customers are binge-watching, what they’re interested in, and how they communicate. Every interaction is a data point.
My message this month is simple: Stop using the Golden Rule as your default.
Don’t treat people as you wish to be treated. Treat them the way they want to be treated. It will set you up for greater success in your career and in your life.
See you next month, Seth
A Note on Process & Transparency:
In the spirit of full disclosure, I partnered with Google’s Gemini 2.5 Pro as a thought partner to help refine my thoughts and ideas for this edition for clarity and flow. As I’ve said before, AI isn’t going to take your job, but people who leverage AI to their advantage will. Be one of those people.
P.S. Have you ever consciously used the Platinum Rule? Or have you used a tool like Crystal to adapt your communication style? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments.
